Send Me Money

I've always been one to fly by the seat of my pants and although it's often not the most comfortable ride, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm unconventional. If it's different, chances are I like it. Strike that, chances are I LOVE IT!

I'm about to embark on one my more crazy ideas. Probably not the craziest thing I have ever done, but it's right up there.

I'm in love with a man I met on the internet. No, not at one of those dating sites, but just on a message board. I think it all started because of Dean Koontz. Let's just hope it's not some plot for his future book. Or maybe let's do that. That could be fun, too.

My man hasn't always told me the truth in the beginning but he's slowly coming clean. I'm not real sure what to make of that because I don't have a secret in the world. Well, maybe one or two. But doesn't everyone?

I've never cared much for folks who lied. And what my man did technically was lie. It pains me and rips my heart apart. It leaves me to wonder "what next"?

But I'm gonna go for it.

Ideally, I'd like to be out of Houston and in my man's town soon. Yes, because of him, but also because I'm beyond ready for a change in my life.

Pre 9/11 my dream was to move to Baltimore. I have a number of internet friends on the east coast, I've been to Baltimore and I love the area. I liked the idea of being close to everything. Not like Texas where one must drive for at least 8 hours just get out of the damn state. But after 9/11 I was afraid. I was afraid to be so far away from everything I knew.

Now, I don't mean Texas is damned, but I'm damned tired of it. I imagine Kinky Friedman or Willie Nelson are checking into how to revoke my citizenship for that comment alone.

I'm tired of the Louisiana refugees who are fucking with my city. I'm tired of the mayor and all Texas politics. Crime has gone crazy. I have to walk several blocks in the dark (although daylight or night makes no difference in crime statistics) a couple nights a week and it scares me. I've never been scared before. Oh, I was afraid after 9/11 but that's not the same thing as scared. I feel the threat to my personal safety in Houston is real. I really think it is time to go.

Trouble is I love big cities. And I mean love them. The first time I went to New York City, I felt at home. Now, that is a weird feeling for a Texan and I can hear the hoofbeats of Willie's posse coming to take me away.

I have no family here to keep me tied to the place. Unless you count the asshole who is my estranged brother. I have no use for him and that is sad because I think he owes me money. However, he'll never part with it. It's also a shame because he has two gorgeous and soon-to-be successful children. They are both of age now and I keep up with them through MySpace. I've only been in contact with my nephew, however, he didn't know it was me. He thought he knew who it was and when he guessed wrong, he quit writing his blog. Whether that was because of me or apathy, I don't know. But he's a fantastic young man.

I last had verbal contact with my brother in 1997 and he has sent me 4 or 5 emails since then. I didn't read them for years -- just let them sit in my inbox. Since the last one 2003, I haven't heard from him at all. And that's fine by me. I also saw he and his bitch of a wife at the movies in 2000. And although I know they saw me, neither one recognized me. However, I am thinking of sending him an email to let him know I'm leaving. I don't know why really, perhaps I'm a glutton for punishment. Or perhaps it's the finality of the decision I have reached. While the distance is vast between us, it's about to become even more vast with the miles I plan to travel.

I'm moving to Southern California. It's expensive. I don't have a lot of money. I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there, but I think I will be a lot happier. Of course, it wouldn't take much to make me happier as I'm pretty damn miserbale right now.

My plan is to sell everything and bug out of here. Well, almost everything. I'm taking my Wilton Armetale with me. The only things that I really would find it hard to live without. And my computer. That will be a little more difficult to move, but I'll figure out a way.

So, that's it for now. I await your comments. HAH! Like that's ever gonna happen. If you don't care to comment you can always send money.